My birthday...

was today. And it was everything I didn't want it to be, and nothing went the way I wanted it to. I didn't talk to him, the him who's not worth mentioning. I couldn't help but wonder if he would call me if he had known it was my birthday. Very doubtful. Then I had to work. Then I came home and I started crying. I don't want to be older. God, sometimes, I just want to be a kid again. I know it's impossible, but here's to hoping...

I just want this year to be better. I just want this year to really mean something to me. I want to be proud of it. I don't want to feel like I am wasting time and half of the time just existing. I want this year to count. I at least want to figure out where I am going in life. Right now I feel stuck. I hate feeling stuck and not having all the answers. I really do.

Sometimes I can't control everything. Some of the time I just have to let life happen. But, I don't want life to pass me by. I am capable of so many things in so many areas. I'm not even living half way to my potential. I'm not. And it's really, really, sad. I'm a talented person. And I'm willing to bet I have undiscovered talents. I don't even know what I'm trying to say... I just want more....

"I don't have you anymore. The part that scares me is when worse comes to worse you're all I got..."