I never thought I'd have to say this...

But, I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. I don't want to sound so weak but that's just where I'm at. Everything is getting to me in every way possible. I wish with all of my heart I could call Joey and beg him to save me from myself, but at this point he is nowhere to be found.

He changed all of his numbers so that no one can reach him. I heard he shaved off all of his hair. I haven't seen him in over a week. Obviously he's not doing so well I'm so worried about him.

Alyssa can fuck Mr. Wrong. I'll get over that. Besides, at this point, she can have him. But, if Joey does drugs again because of her a side of me most people don't know will come out. I will go after her with avengence and no one will be able to stop me. No one wants to be on my bad side when that happens.

Most of the time I am the true deffinition of a lady. I dress nicely, I have perfect posture, and have impecable manners. But, when you screw with one of the pieces of my heart all my mannerisms fade away and I'm coming after you. Joey and I have a rocky relationship half the time but he's one of the pieces of my heart.

Yesterday was just one of those days that changes everything and you don't know who you are anymore. You don't know what you think or what's truly going on. All you want to do at the end of the day is run away from everything you know...

Robert called me and asked if I wanted to come by the shop he works at and hang out for awhile. I knew Mr. Wrong wouldn't be there, so I didn't see the harm in the situation. I went there and he greeted me by picking me up and giving me the hugest hug. I smiled against him and knew the feelings weren't gone at all.

We went and got some sandwiches. We were sitting in his car yelling at eachother back and forth as usual about how many rights women should have. Then he gave me a lazy smile before looking serious...

"My way of thinking may be fucked up, but at least I always take care of you. I'm making sure your getting fed..."

I couldn't say much because it was true. I just nodded my head as we pulled back into the shop's parking lot. Then I looked inside and there was Mr. Wrong. I shook my head. He walks over to the car and asks us if we have cigarettes. We both shake our heads no. I asked him what was going on and he said nothing. Then he walked away from me. Later we were all smoking and he gave me this small hug and all but ignored me.

I could do this as long as Robert didn't leave my side. Then the worst happened. Alea called and wanted him to go get food with him. I sighed. Unlike Mr. Wrong Robert always knows when something is wrong with me.

"Don't worry. I'm not cheating on you."

"We're not together..."

"You're learning fast, princess..."

I rolled my eyes and went to get cigarettes. When I came back Mr. Wrong was gone and Robert had come back. Things were different for some reason. We were outside and I was so tired. My car was in the shop. So I asked if he could take me home. He wasn't supposed to leave the shop, but I gave him one of my looks and he caved in...

"Do you trust me," he asked as we were near my house.

"I trust you to get me home in one piece... But, do I trust you? Absolutely not. Do you trust me?"

"No," he answered with a smile.

I knew in that moment that was the most he had ever let his guard down. I also knew as of then, he wasn't so scared of me as he used to. We pulled up to my house.

"Will you smoke one last cigarette with me?" I asked.

He smiled that smile once more and nodded his head as he took out a cigarette. That smile never left his face. I felt my heart stop all over again. We were not done, and I knew it was only gonna get worse from here.

"So you don't trust me?"

"Robert, I don't trust anyone..."

"You're smart," he replied still giving me that heart stopping smile.

"No man, no cry," I sufficed.

"Yes..."

"I've made a few deductions about you," I informed.

"Let's hear it..."

I told him my theory about him about not wanting to be vulnerable. I then told him that I knew I'm special to him and that he's afraid to get burned by people because they leave. He told me I'm more special to him then I could ever know. Then he told me that he's not afraid of getting burned by people, but he is afraid of them leaving. I gave him a huge hug before I left.

"Bye, beautiful..."

When I got in the house I fell apart and began crying my eyes out. I wasn't sure that I would ever be able to stop. Even if Mr. Wrong did want to be with me I just couldn't do it. I care about Robert so much that sometimes it hurts me from the inside out. Mr. Wrong has probably gotten over me, but I still have feelings for him. But, Robert... I'm more sexually attracted to Mr. Wrong then Robert. But, I've formed this emotional attachment to Robert that won't go away no matter what I say or do.

He's decided not to get attached to me, but it's there. I see it in his eyes. He'll do anything for me. I think he's slowly falling in love with me. And when push comes to shove I'd do anything in this world for him except give up this deadly addiction I have towards his brother... God, help me... I'm in love with them both...