Apparently I'm too Sentimental...

That’s what Robert told me last night when we were all out dancing. I wish that Mr. Wrong could have been there because I know he would have been on the floor with me. Anyway, when I got Robert out on the dance floor eventually he was behind me. He took my hand in his as we danced with each other. He told me that I needed not to be so sentimental. Then Allen practically asked me out later that night.

I gave Allen an innocent smile and told him no. I walked away and into Robert who was trying his hardest not to laugh at the entire situation. It was rather laughable if you ask me. Then I claimed my innocent nature towards Robert. I don’t think I’ll forget for a very long time what he told me.

“You can be as innocent as you want to be. I really don’t care about that. Just don’t forget that you were a dope fiend…”

His comment about me being sentimental really bothered me for some reason. Robert said it after he had smacked my ass. He even took my hand in his and lightly slapped it. It felt as if he was punishing a child. I don’t want him to see me in that way. I just felt really ashamed and embarrassed. It’s difficult to explain it.

It felt as if Robert was avoiding me last night. He hugged me at the beginning of the night, but after that it was as if he didn’t want to talk to me. I felt as if he was struggling to push me away, out of his life. He doesn’t want to let me in. I think I scare him on some level.

Then I thought about what if his brother views me the same way, as someone who is too emotional. What if his brother decides that he wants nothing to do with me as well? That is almost too much for me to think about…

I want Mr. Wrong in a very big way. I want him to call me this week. But, I’m not sure that he is going to. It doesn’t stop me from wanting him to. I realize that if I want a future with Mr. Wrong on any level I have to let Robert push me away too. It’s not what I want, but it’s the way that it has to be.

I really feel as if I’ve completely lost my mind. I thought that I didn’t know what I was doing before, but I realize that I truly don’t now. I may not get either one of them. I think I am going back to bed. I’m in such a terrible mood right now. I don’t know how to get out of it…