Dissapointment...

I feel sorely dissapointed right now. I expected Mr. Wrong to be at my meeting tonight and he didn't show up. Neither did his brother. I expected to see the both there. I don't even know why I am this upset over it. I didn't see Mr. Wrong for five months. Why the hell am I tripping so terribly over a day. I'm just worried that maybe he hung out with Esther or some other girl I don't even want to think about...

Then I sat here with my thoughts and wondered if he got loaded. That's probably the last thing that happened. I don't know why he didn't show up, but I'm worried that maybe it was me. Maybe he didn't want to see me. How rediculess does that sound?

We were all over eachother last night. How the hell is that going to change in less than 24 hours? I doubt that it's going to. We were acting like a couple last night. I spent time in his arms and I loved it. I don't want to lose that feeling. But, what if there's nothing I can do to stop that from happening? What if I can't have him no matter what I do? The thought of that practically kills me inside...

Allen made a sexual inuendo tonight and all I wanted was for the twins to be there. It wouldn't have mattered to me which one at that point. He behaves around them. I barely wanted any other guy to hug me tonight? You think Mr. Wrong feels like that for a second? Absolutely not. I'll bet I'm just another girl to him, another willing body to hold...

It sucks knowing someone means something to you and there is a low chance that you come anywhere near meaning that to them. I just want to mean alot to him. I want to be his. And I doubt that will happen. I want it to more than anything. But, are things really over with Esther? I want them to be, but you can't always have what you want. I just want to see him, god damn it...