I'm still in a state of shock...

I cannot remember the last time I was this shocked. I think I would have been less shock if someone told me that for a living Alyssa was a stripper. What am I talking about? If anything that is to be expected.

Every single Sunday night I go to this one meeting with my sponsor. I was talking to Nelly on the phone before the meeting as I smoked a cigarette. And from the corner of my eye I thought I saw Robert in the dark talking with some of my other friends. He comes out of the shadows. And low and behold its Mr. mother fucking Wrong. I of course ended my phone call with Nelly. I had to make sure I was not seeing things.

As you might imagine my heart came to a complete stop. I just looked at him and he looked at me. He didn't come over but just kept on staring at me in the most unnerving way. He then smirked at me and walked on over.

"Hello..."

"What you aren't going to give me a hug," I asked.

He scooped me up in his arms and he hugged me. Then we began wrestling like we did in his treatment facility.

"I can get you back properly since I'm not at the facility right now..."

Then he pulled me into his arms and I was struggling my hardest against him. I ended up propelling him against my friend's car. There we were in that moment. He was up against the car and I was against him, almost as close as humanly possible. My friend made a comment and I was forced to put away.

"You better watch it. I'm going to kick your ass..."

"You keep saying that," he insisted.

"I will. Oh, wait you might like that."

I smiled as I noticed recognition light up in his eyes. He remembered that conversation we had had. I had to get out of there for a minute. I seriously felt as if I was suffocating at that point in time. I called Nelly as I walked away far enough so that he could not here me.

"He's here..."

"Who's here?"

I quickly explained to Nelly what was going on. I told her I may have to come see her sooner than I thought I would have. I also told her about the fact that he would be home in fifteen days. Fifteen mother fucking days! What happened to May? I liked the sound of May... I really did.

"I love you too," mimicked Mr. Wrong from a couple feet away.

"Oh, god I hope you don't," I chastised.

He followed me as I walked into the meeting. He even sat across from my sponsor and I. All throughout the meeting he would give me these looks where I swore I couldn't breathe. They were worse than the ones that Robert would give me. They are too much to handle.

Anyway, during the meeting Mr. Wrong shared. And then Robert shared. Then something happened that I never thought would. Mr. Wrong broke down in tears. He had his hands over his eyes so that no one could see him. As Robert shared I could tell he was on the verge of tears. He told Mr. Wrong that he loved him and that he was proud of him. It almost brought me to tears. I was happy when the smoke break came.

I went to talk to two girls that I had never seen at the meeting. I figured that if I can't completely obey my 60 day man restriction I could at least show my sponsor that I was reaching out to women, and wanted them in my life.

"Hi, I'm Esther. It's so good to see him do well. I'm his ex girlfriend. I've visited him a couple of times at his treatment facility..."

As Esther told me all of this my heart literally stopped beating once more. I closely inspected her as I made sure I had a warm and welcoming expression on my face. This was an ex girlfriend of his? Which one? There had been so many in his past.

Then I noticed she was somewhat heavy weight. I looked at her car and that she clearly had money by the way she was dressed. It all finally made some sort of sense to me. This was the girl he had lived with. This was who I was running against. It shouldn't be that difficult. I am a great deal more beautiful than she is. But, if anything I've learned from Alyssa and Jane that looks are not always everything. Sometimes feelings go past that.

After the meeting she took my number. Then she gave Mr. Wrong two huge hugs before leaving. She told him to call her when he got out. He said that he would. As she left I did the same thing. He smiled because he knew what I was doing. I told him I am looking forward to hanging out with him. He actually called me baby. Then I gave him one final long hug and a kiss on the cheek. He got in the car and waved at me. I winked. I've made up my mind...

I haven't made a true play for someone in three years. When I pull out all the stops I get the man every time. I am going to make the biggest play for Mr. Wrong. If Esther wants to compete go ahead. I've decided he's going to be mine. She's going to actually find out what happens when you cross me and I deal with you.

I've made it clear to Mr. Wrong I am interested. I am well aware that he is also interested. I'm going to fight this time for what I want. Winner takes all. This could be the biggest game of all in the end. What's the ending goal? A player's heart. I already know what I am going to tell Mr. Wrong.

"I like you and I know you like me. I can see it in your eyes every time you look at me. You want me. Whatever is going on with Esther has to end. If you need to figure things out with her, if you want to start things up with her you need to do that. Just leave me out of it. Either you get me or you get her. And if you choose me I want you for myself. I'm not going to share you with anyone. If you can't do that, then you can't. We can still be friends. I think we're good as friends as well. But, if you want me that's how it has to be. I'll accept nothing less, because I know what I deserve..."

Those are my conditions. He gets me or he just doesn't. It's entirely up to him. I feel good. For once I am not going to place expectations on a person because they'll know up front where I stand. No preconceptions or miscommunications.

I'm not even expecting that he will choose me. I am hoping he will. This time I am not going to accept less than I want from a guy. I did that with Joey, Bob, Mr. X, Mr. Unmentionable, and believe me the list could go on or not.