My Dramatic Antics have rubbed off on Nelly...

In two weeks I plan on visiting Mr. Wrong at his treatment facility. Nelly believes that she will accompany me. I realize that I really should not involve her in all of this but I can’t seem to help it. I wish I could change my mind and just let things be, but I can’t.

What do I plan to happen? What do I hope to accomplish by seeing him? Do I think he’ll take one look at me and decide that I am the girl of his dreams? If that did in fact happen, it would be the worst thing. I already know that no one accept the fact that he is with me.

He is a well known man whore, if you will. He has sex with women and then pretends as if they mean nothing to him. Do I expect to be anything more to him, just because he didn’t treat me like garbage the next day? I’ve said this before. And I will say it now. I am way over my head. He may still be with that undeseriable woman. I do not know what I am doing. I need a plan of action. Why am I putting myself through all of this for one man?

I know the rules. Every girl really should. You never give one man everything. If you don’t give one man everything there’s not a way to be left with nothing. He does not deserve to have everything I could possibly offer. But, I take one look at him. And as much as I’ll deny it one hundred times I would put everything on the line to be everything to him.

I take one look at him and I care nothing for my reputation. He kisses me and the rest of the world fades away. I realize how corny this may sound, but it’s the truth. Maybe I don’t have genuine feelings for him. Perhaps I just want to feel again. I just want that feeling I get in his arms.

Then again maybe I’m just one of many girls he took a liking too. Who knows? He may not even remember me. I’m going to that treatment facility because I need to know. I need to know if this is all in my head or not. I need to know if I mean anything at all to him, or if I am just like all the other girls in his life…

I saw Robert tonight. He looked at me, hugged all of those around him and walked right passed me. I have to admit something. I have feelings for him. I do. But, I want his brother. I don’t want Robert to get hurt in all of this. As long as I don’t allow myself to get wrapped up in him everything will turn out okay, right? They have to be. Then again if things have to turn out alright, why do I feel as if the opposite will be the ending result?